15 brutal Truth and common reason That cause marriage breakdown and divorce?
10 brutal Truth and common reasons That cause marriage breakdown and divorce?
You know things are not going well for you and your spouse. Your partner did seem stern, aloof, and resentful that last time you spoke to each other.
Like always, you expect them to come around, let go of the steam and become their normal self with time. Instead, one day, you come home to find their clothes missing from their cupboards and a piece of paper on the dinner table- a divorce notice.
All people want that love of a lifetime, but practice shows that this kind of scenario is a rare exception to a harsh reality. In Europe, people have started to get divorced 2.5 times more often and get married 2 times less often within the last 50 years. The good thing is that foreseeing a divorce is possible and it is backed up with scientific research.
We at Think-Hub hope that there will be more happy and strong families in the world. That’s why we studied a bunch of research and chose the 9 most distinct divorce forerunners that scientists have spotted.
1: What causes divorce in marriage?
Infidelity, lack of communication, financial troubles, and sparing sex and intimacy sessions are some of the common reasons for divorce.
The Austin Institute for The Study of Family and Culture using data from 4,000 divorced adults, identified the top reasons for divorce as to why people break up in the United States to include infidelity by either party; spouse unresponsive to needs; incompatibility; Spouse immaturity; emotional abuse and financial problems.
Why do couples divorce?
There are some traits in a partner or circumstances- the divorce causes, which might force partners to seek a divorce.
You can no longer cope with your partner, and divorce is perhaps the best option.
When couples feel like they have given their relationship all they have,
What are the top 10 reasons for divorce?
Here is a list of commonly observed grounds for divorce with reasons for divorce statistics. If you identify any of these in your relationship, you must get conscious about where your relationship is heading.
This will help you understand what factors are associated with a higher risk for divorce and take the necessary actions and avert further damage.
Let’s look at the 10 most common reasons for divorce and understand whether or not your marriage is salvageable.
1. Infidelity or an extramarital affair
When one person goes outside of the relationship to get their needs met, whether it is physical or sexual, this can doom a relationship. It is very difficult to get trust back once a partner feels betrayed.
Extra-marital affairs are responsible for the 20-40% breakdown of most marriages and end in divorce. This is one of the most common causes of divorce. The reasons why people cheat aren’t as cut and dry as our anger may lead us to believe.
Anger and resentment are common underlying reasons for cheating, along with differences in sexual appetite and lack of emotional intimacy.
Infidelity often begins as a seemingly innocent friendship, says cheating expert Ruth Houston. “It starts as an emotional affair which later becomes a physical affair.”
Infidelity is one of the primary reasons for divorce. It is also one of the legal divorce reasons, besides living apart for more than a year and subjecting your partner to cruelty (mental or physical).
2. Trouble with finances
Money makes people funny, or so the saying goes, and it’s true.
If a couple is not on the same page about how the finances are going to be handled, it can lead to terrible problems.
Why is divorce so common due to financial incompatibility? According to divorce statistics, a “final straw” reason for divorce is a lack of compatibility in the financial arena and causes almost 41% of divorce.
Everything from different spending habits and financial goals to one spouse making considerably more money than the other, causing a power struggle can strain a marriage to the breaking point. Also, differences in how much money each partner brings into the marriage can also lead to power plays between a couple.
“Money really touches everything. It impacts people’s lives,” said Emmet Burns, brand marketing director for SunTrust. Clearly, money and stress do seem to go hand in hand for many couples.
Financial troubles can be categorized as one of the biggest causes of divorce, following infidelity, the number one reason for divorce.
Related Reading: Ways to Manage Financial Disagreements in Marriage
3. Lack of communication
Communication is crucial in marriage and not being able to communicate effectively quickly leads to resentment and frustration for both, impacting all aspects of a marriage.
On the other hand, good communication is the foundation of a strong marriage. When two people are sharing a life together, they must be able to talk about what they need and be able to understand and try to meet the needs of their partner.
Yelling at your spouse, not talking enough throughout the day, making nasty comments to express yourself are all unhealthy methods of communication that need to be ditched in a marriage.
Besides, when couples stop talking to each other, they can feel isolated and lonely and stop caring about one another altogether. This can lead to the breakdown of the relationship.
Poor communication is one of the biggest reasons for 65% of divorces.
Practicing mindful communication to change age-old marriage mistakes can be hard, but it’s well worth the effort to improve and save your relationship.
4. Constant arguing
From bickering about chores to arguing about the kids; incessant arguing kills many relationships.
Couples who seem to keep having the same argument over again often do so because they feel they’re not being heard or appreciated.
Many find it hard to see the other person’s point of view, which leads to a lot of arguments without ever coming to a resolution. This can ultimately be a cause of divorce for 57.7% of couples.
5. Weight gain
It may seem awfully superficial or unfair, but weight gain is one of the main reasons for divorce.
It may seem odd, but weight gain is also one of the leading causes of divorce. In some cases, a significant amount of weight gain causes the other spouse to become less physically attracted while for others, weight gain takes a toll on their self-esteem, which trickles into issues with intimacy and can even become a cause of divorce.
Related Reading: Correlation Between Being in a Relationship and Weight Gain
6. Unrealistic expectations
It’s easy to go into a marriage with lofty expectations, expecting your spouse and the marriage to live up to your image of what they should be.
These expectations can put a lot of strain on the other person, leaving you feeling let down and setting your spouse up for failure. Wrong expectation setting can become one of the reasons for divorce.
Related Reading: Expectations in Relationship
7. Lack of intimacy
Not feeling connected to your partner can quickly ruin a marriage because it leaves couples feeling as though they’re living with a stranger or more like roommates than spouses.
This can be from a lack of physical or emotional intimacy and isn’t always about sex. If you are constantly giving your spouse the cold shoulder, know that it can become the ground for divorce over time.
Often couples struggle with different sex drives and different sexual appetites. This can really plague a couple as they try to get their needs met. In addition, at different stages of life, our sexual needs can change, which can lead to feelings of confusion and rejection.
Ignoring your partner’s sexual needs is being called the number one cause of divorce in recent times.
Making your relationship intimate and special is the responsibility of both partners. Practice little acts of kindness, appreciation, and enjoy physical intimacy as much as possible to sweeten your relationship.
Related Reading: When to Walk Away From a Sexless Marriage
8. Lack of equality
Lack of equality comes closely behind the number one cause of divorce, lack of intimacy, in recent times.
When one partner feels that they take on more responsibility in the marriage, it can alter their view of the other person and lead to resentment.
Resentment often snowballs to become one of the reasons for divorce. It is a leading cause of divorce.
Every couple must negotiate through their own and unique set of challenges and find their own way of living together as two equals who enjoy a respectful, harmonious, and joyful relationship.
9. Not being prepared for marriage
A surprising number of 75.0% of couples of all ages have blamed not being prepared for married life for the demise of their relationship. Divorce rates are highest among couples in their 20s. Lack of preparation is one of the most common reasons for divorce.
Almost half the divorces occur in the first 10 years of marriage, especially between the fourth and eighth anniversary.
Related Reading: What Does the Divorce Rate in America Say About Marriage
10. Physical and emotional abuse
Not feeling connected to your partner can quickly ruin a marriage because it leaves couples feeling as though they’re living with a stranger or more like roommates than spouses.
This can be from a lack of physical or emotional intimacy and isn’t always about sex. If you are constantly giving your spouse the cold shoulder, know that it can become the ground for divorce over time.
Often couples struggle with different sex drives and different sexual appetites. This can really plague a couple as they try to get their needs met. In addition, at different stages of life, our sexual needs can change, which can lead to feelings of confusion and rejection.
Ignoring your partner’s sexual needs is being called the number one cause of divorce in recent times.
Making your relationship intimate and special is the responsibility of both partners. Practice little acts of kindness, appreciation, and enjoy physical intimacy as much as possible to sweeten your relationship.
8. Lack of equality
Lack of equality comes closely behind the number one cause of divorce, lack of intimacy, in recent times.
When one partner feels that they take on more responsibility in the marriage, it can alter their view of the other person and lead to resentment.
Resentment often snowballs to become one of the reasons for divorce. It is a leading cause of divorce.
Every couple must negotiate through their own and unique set of challenges and find their own way of living together as two equals who enjoy a respectful, harmonious, and joyful relationship.
9. Not being prepared for marriage
A surprising number of 75.0% of couples of all ages have blamed not being prepared for married life for the demise of their relationship. Divorce rates are highest among couples in their 20s. Lack of preparation is one of the most common reasons for divorce.
Almost half the divorces occur in the first 10 years of marriage, especially between the fourth and eighth anniversary.
Related Reading: What Does the Divorce Rate in America Say About Marriage
10. Physical and emotional abuse
Physical or emotional abuse is a sad reality for some couples and contributes to 23.5% of divorces.
It doesn’t always stem from the abuser being a “bad” person; deep emotional issues are usually to blame. Regardless of the reason, no one should tolerate abuse, and must remove yourself from the relationship safely is important.
Poverty and unemployment
It’s quite obvious that living in difficult conditions is not easy. The relationships in these families stop more often than in financially stable families. Bob Birrell, the co-author of a study about financial outcomes for parents after separation, confirms it.
"People think the system acts in a draconian way to take money out of the pockets of men. The reality is that most separated and divorced guys are on such low incomes, they pay very little toward the well-being of the mother and their children.’’
Newlyweds’ excessive affection toward each other
Psychologist Ted Huston studied 168 couples within 13 years of their marriages. The results were published in the Interpersonal Relations and Group Processes journal in 2001, which stated, “When being newlyweds, the couples who got divorced 7 or more years afterward, demonstrated almost 1/3 more affection toward each other than spouses in more successful marriages.”
This is due to the fact that the couples who started a relationship with strong romantic feelings were more likely to break up because it was very difficult for them to maintain the intensity of those feelings. “Believe it or not, marriages that start out with less ‘Hollywood romance’ usually have more promising futures,” says expert Aviva Patz.
A husband’s negative attitude toward his wife’s friends
Scientists analyzed the relationship of 373 couples, over 16 years of marriage. It turned out that 46% of couples had divorced by their 16th year of the marriage, and oftentimes the husband’s criticism of his wife’s friends in the first year of their marriage predicted that break in the future.
According to scientists, this is due to the fact that relationships between women and their friends, which are characterized by emotional closeness and support, last longer, while male friendship more often depends on joint activities. Accordingly, it is easier for men to change the circle of their communication and more difficult to come to terms with their wife’s friends, who they find unpleasant.
Colleagues of the opposite sex
According to Danish researchers, people who work mostly surrounded by members of the opposite sex get divorced 15% more often. The study of this issue arrived on a larger scale when they studied all the couples who got married from 1981 to 2002 in Denmark. They found that 100,000 of them have already gotten divorced.
Are there “good” reasons to get a divorce?
You might question yourself, “Should I divorce my spouse or stick in the marital bond?
Well, the answer completely depends on your experience in marriage. Every relationship is unique and it’s on the couple to decide how they want to proceed in the relationship.
Besides, if you feel the relationship is serving you no purpose and it is only giving you suffering, it is a good decision to walk away from marriage.
If you are still unsure, take this quiz and find out the answer:
Should You Get A Divorce?
Related Reading: How to File an Uncontested Divorce
How couples therapy can salvage your marriage?
If you are experiencing one or more of these issues in your marriage, you may be having a pretty tough time right now.
Here’s the good news. Couples therapy can really help with any or all of these issues. Typically couples come to counseling seven to eleven years after problems have started. That can make it seem pretty hopeless that things will ever get better.
However, if both partners are committed to making their marriage better, a lot can be done to improve their life together and help them save their marriage.
Related Reading: What is Legal separation?
Frequently Asked Questions
In cases where divorce seems at the horizon, here’s what you should know before moving forward:
1. How to file a divorce
The first step to filing a divorce is initiating a divorce petition. This leads to temporary orders that are served to the spouse and we wait for the response. Next, there is a settlement negotiation after which the divorce trial starts. To know more, find here how to file for a legal separation.
2. How long does the divorce process take?
Divorce is carried out with the mutual consent of both parties. In such cases, the divorce timeline is nearly six months. However, a petition cannot be filed within the 1st year of marriage. Also, the first two motions require a six-month gap. The court also holds the power to waive the cooling-off period. To know more, read an article on how long does the divorce process take.
3. How much does a divorce cost?
The cost of a divorce has a wide range between $7500 to $12,900 as it depends on various factors. Check out this quick guide on how much does divorce costs.
4. What is the difference between legal separation and divorce?
Legal separation gives a lot of space to the couple for settlement and to get back together. Divorce, on the other hand, is the final step after which the reconciliation is out of the legal books. Here’s an article for you to understand the differences between separation and divorce.
5. Do you have to disclose all of your finances during divorce?
While going through the divorce, the partners must disclose fully to each other and discuss their assets for a fair settlement. Read this article to get answers to the question how to achieve a fair financial settlement during divorce.
6. How do courts divide property in a divorce?
In the case of the division of the property, mutual understanding plays a big role. In most cases, the courts consider the division based on who is the legal owner of the property. Also, if the couples agree on their own adjustment, the court does not object. Check out the article to know more about how property and debts will be divided in divorce.
7. How to find a divorce lawyer
Once you understand the real issue of your problem, you must finalize at least three attorneys to begin with. Discuss the issue with each and understand which one will be able to help you best. Read this article if you need help in finding the right divorce lawyer.
8. How to obtain a divorce certificate
For obtaining the divorce certificate, you must contact the court clerk where the divorce proceedings took place. Obtaining the divorce certificate can only be done by either party or their lawyers. Check out the article on how to get a divorce certificate.
Related Reading: How to Prepare for Divorce Emotionally
Getting help from divorce therapists
A person going through a divorce can go through various emotions of guilt, anger, loneliness, etc. At such times, they might need a professional to help understand their problems and also, so that they can tread on the path of healing.
Divorce therapists help people cope with the stress of divorce and guide them towards a more peaceful life. In some instances, they also help couples analyze if they are sure of the divorce. Find the right therapist based on what your core issue is.
Related Reading: Top Benefits of Post Divorce Counseling
Takeaway
No marriage is easy.
Even couples with the best intentions are sometimes unable to overcome their challenges and end up in courtrooms. That’s why it’s important to address issues in your relationship early on, don’t let them become one of the reasons for divorce. Don’t wait until they are beyond fixing.
Try your very best before you decide that things are beyond your control, there are too many reasons for divorce, and it is time to give up.
That way, you can have the peace of knowing you tried all of the alternatives before the big step. Divorce is one of the worst things you can experience emotionally, but sometimes, it’s inevitable and for good.
Practice kindness, make intimacy a priority, go on holidays, and seek marriage counseling (even when things are fine) to preserve the health and longevity of your relationship.
